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Since my husband didn't keep track of our lovemaking, he was none the wiser. Those are just the first of many questions that have yet to be answered. But there are many who simply cannot let their child die that way. In one case, the genetic characteristics of the child are so different than those of either the mother or her husband, that it's amazing that the husband has never suspected anything. Don't give the child a blood test if he demands to have one given. When you had your affair, you violated both of these rules.

It was a testament to how passionate their lovemaking was. I'm sure that your reluctance to be honest is due to your uncertainty regarding your husband's reaction. Should he have visitation rights?

"i'm 26, married and expecting another man's child - what do i do?"

Introduction: Infidelity has tragic consequences. Once he knows the truth, will your husband remain married to you, or will he divorce you? If you decide to tell your husband the truth, and if he would like some guidance as to what to do next, suggest that he e-mail me his questions just as you did.

Quite frankly, even though it may not be what you want, or what I would advise, I think your husband has a right to divorce you. I know about 20 children who live in my area who think they know who their fathers are, but they are wrong.

Cheating wife who had an affair and got pregnant asks for advice

You should not tell him anything. I would be happy to offer him some direction. You are not required by law to do so. If he tries to gain access to the child, hire an attorney to keep him away from you and your family. But they are good representations of the letters I receive. But it may turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to you, because without his pressure, you may never have considered honesty as a realistic choice.

It's a marriage based on deceit. Five years ago I had an affair. If your husband wants to remain married to you, my advice is that your daughter should be told who her father is only after she reaches the age of The father should not be offered visitation rights, and he should not be asked to help support her.

And in some cases I've witnessed, when a wife revealed infidelity, her husband has done just that — he divorced her. You should have told your husband who the real father was as soon as you were pregnant.

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One example of these problems is venereal disease — when an unfaithful spouse is infected, which is often the case, the disease is usually passed on to the unsuspecting marriage partner. Their husbands also have hard choices to make, and my advice is for them as well. If you had been guided by this rule from the time you were first married, none of this would have ever happened to you.

I am 35, my husband is 37 and we have been married 12 years. This column will consider the choices these women face, and what I recommend.

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For these, they are faced with very difficult choices. Most women who become pregnant from an affair have an abortion as soon as the pregnancy is discovered. What is the alternative to truth? If you were to start following these guidelines now, your marriage would have a much greater chance for success.

How to survive infidelity

And your honesty would have set into motion a plan to avoid the affair. You are backed up against a wall, and may be forced to be honest with your husband because of your lover's threats. Should he be asked to help support her? The passion of an affair makes birth control less effective, and it's often never even used. And I have counseled and received letters from the lovers, who know the child is theirs and are tormented by a desire to become involved in their child's life as it is growing up.

How to survive infidelity

I knew it was his, and so did he, because I had not had sex with my husband around the time the child was conceived, and my lover and I had sex quite often. In fact you should never have any contact with him again. You were not honest about your affair, and it was something you did at his expense. I make these recommendations to help guarantee that there never be any contact between you and the other man again if you are to remain married.

Please if you are not redirected within a few seconds. Unfortunately, I became pregnant with his .

"i'm 26, married and expecting another man's child - what do i do?"

Not only does unfaithfulness itself cause untold emotional suffering for a victimized spouse, but affairs create a host of other problems, too. I love my husband, and don't want my marriage to end. He may choose to divorce you, or at least hold it against you for the rest of your life. But I am afraid that once he knows the truth, it will be all over for us. Pregnancies are very common in affairs. But my former lover knows that the girl is his, and is threatening to tell my husband so that he can become a part of her life. Let me review with you the Policy of Radical Honesty: Reveal to your spouse as much information about yourself as you know; your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities, and plans for the future.

I have also counseled and received letters from men who are devastated when they discover that their wives are pregnant with someone else's child, or discover after the child is born, that it is not his. As it turns out, it is what you should have done, even without risk of discovery. I encourage couples to follow two policies that are essential to a good marriage: The Policy of t Agreement and the Policy of Radical Honesty.

There are many others: Should you tell your daughter who her real father is? He looks just like his real father.

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Every person who has e-mailed me letters describing this problem has asked me not to post their letters because they regard the information as being too sensitive to risk disclosure. In spite of the fact that your marriage has not been guided by these rules up to this point, there's no time like the present to make an important mid-course correction.

I'm in a panic, so give me your answer as soon as possible. You have years of marriage ahead of you, and the rest of your years together should be guided by truth, not lies. You were both dishonest and thoughtless. I never wanted to marry the man, but he brought some happiness into my life, and I needed him at that time. My girl is now 2, and my affair is completely over.

I know of a couple that faithfully used two forms of birth control whenever they made love, and yet had five unplanned children. Do you want that kind of a marriage where you will always have the threat of disclosure hanging over you, where your husband might leave you if he knew the truth? If he ever tries to contact you, you should hang up on him, or not respond to his texts or .

Cheating wife who had an affair and got pregnant asks for advice

My question is, should I tell my husband about the father of our little girl, or should I pray that my ex-lover just keeps quiet about it? Marriage Builders, Inc. Honesty would have protected you from the affair, since you would have told your husband about your feelings toward your lover early in the relationship. But it's not too late to be honest.

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They are both entirely fictional. I also highly recommend my book, Surviving an AffairIt will offer you a plan of recovery that has proven to be very successful to thousands of couples who face this tragedy.

It doesn't happen very often, but it happens. What will he do in response to such a painful revelation? So I have decided to create two letters from my experience with this problem — one from a woman who gave birth to a lover's child, and one from her husband. Without them, your marriage really doesn't have much hope for success. Or, do you want a marriage where you have nothing to hide, and you and your husband are open and honest with each other?

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I have counseled and received letters from many women who became pregnant by their lovers, had the child, reconciled with their husbands and raised the child with the husband thinking it was his. Another question you may ask after your husband knows the truth and wants to stay married to you is, what should I tell the father of the child? You may think that honesty will open a can of worms that once freed will invade your life and ruin it.

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This policy encourages you to keep nothing from your husband, not even the fact that you had an affair and that your daughter is not his. What is written on their birth certificates is false information provided by their mothers to cover the result of an affair.

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We have three children, 9, 7 and 2.

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