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Then you do it. They applaud us for our pride. If you always feel good about feeling goodyou will become self-absorbed and feel entitled to those around you. Feelings have a way of doing that, you know? Sometimes for a bad reason.

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But they say none of these things. But we decide what our pain means. All they can do is tell you what is best for you now… and even that is debatable. Well, like many things in life, it is simple. Or ever been really excited to pursue something you thought was going to make you into a big bad ass but then later realized that it was all just an ego trip, and you pissed off a lot of people you cared about along the way?

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But fuck it, who cares? Sometimes these two reasons align. We feel pride remembering it years later. But perhaps the worst meta-feeling is increasingly the most common: feeling good about feeling bad. The fuckers just keep popping up all over the place. They feel morally superior in their suffering, that they are somehow martyrs in a cruel world. In fact, most of us are somewhat deluded about ourselves.

Why it’s hard to get over your own feelings

This is America and the whole point is to get fat doing whatever you want. Fuck your feelings. I did that! And that answer is: nothing. And more often than not, any answer except one will tear you apart inside. L ook, I know you think the fact you feel upset or angry or anxious is important. There are feelings and then there are meta-feelings. The meaning we build around them—what we decide is important or unimportant —comes later. People who feel good about feeling bad get to enjoy a certain righteous indignation.

The hurt itself is neutral. Acting based on our feelings is easy. And then there are those who feel bad about feeling bad. Your brain will start thinking the whole point of life is to just feel really awesome, as often as possible. Learn about the idea that transformed a depressed deadbeat into one of the most important philosophers who ever lived.

These are the examples your mom gave us last night:

This is the Feedback Loop from Hell that many of us are thrust into by our cultureour family and the self-help industry at large. Fuck it. And once that happens, well… If this is rubbing you the wrong way right now, just think about it for a second. Moralizing mobs on both the political right and left see themselves as victimized and somehow special in every miniscule pain or setback they experience.

Sometimes, good things will make you feel bad. And many of us have either forgotten or never realized that fact.

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And once that happens, well…. You feel it. Sometimes, you will feel bad about feeling good about a bad thing and you will feel good about feeling bad about a good thi—you know what? Often we have to feel ambivalent about our conclusions or fight through our lower impulses.

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Consumer culture pushes you to make decisions based on feeling great and then congratulates you for those decisions, while our religions tell us to feel bad about how bad we feel. Your feelings cannot tell you what will be good for you in a week or a year or 20 years.

And sometimes no reason at all. Meta-feelings are part of the stories we tell ourselves about our feelings. A lot of young people hate hearing this because they grew up with parents who worshipped their feelings as children, and protected those feelingsand tried to buy as many candy corns and swimming lessons as necessary to make sure those feelings were nice and fuzzy and protected at all times.

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Fuck Your Feelings Theory. These narratives are spun not only by ourselves but fed by the narratives invented in the media.

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Read about it in my free ebook. Maybe there are eight different reasons I can be sad today.

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The point is that you get to decide. Or ever got really jealous or upset with somebody close to you for a completely imagined reason? If you do this sort of thing long enough—if you convince yourself that what feels good is the same as what is good— then your brain will actually start to mix the two up. They are wholly and solely experienced only by you.

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That it matters. You can opt out at any time. Or too self-righteous and thought yourself the center of the universe.

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Feelings are important. Feelings kind of suck at the whole truth thing. Just fuck feelings. They make us feel justified in our jealousy. We all think we know ourselves well, but psychological studies show otherwise. They only exist in the moment they arise.

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Thanks, brain! Life isn't about feeling amazing all the time, it's about understanding both the good and bad feelings.

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Greed skyrockets while the rich congratulate themselves on being rich in tandem with the increasing rates of anxiety and depression as the lower and middle classes hate themselves for feeling left behind. And then you shamelessly inhale a pint of Cherry Garcia.

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Hell, you probably think that because you feel like your face just got shat on makes you important. But then that satisfaction is gone just as quickly as it came.

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Feelings are just these… things that happen. If this is rubbing you the wrong way right now, just think about it for a second. Like their phone dies and you start thinking they hate you and never liked you and were just using you for your Boy George tickets?

See my privacy policy. Sometimes you hurt for a good reason.

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You were too impulsive. I put together a ebook explaining how we can come to know ourselves better, just fill out your in the form. The reason is separate.

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They shove our faces in our own pain. The problem is when you start trying to control your own emotionsthe emotions multiply. Just as we decide what our successes expose. Political memes on the left create the same self-righteousness, but instead of appealing to fear, they appeal to intellect and arrogance. Sadly, these parents probably did this because they were also beholden to their own feelingsbecause they were unable to tolerate the pain of watching struggle, even if just for a moment.

Sometimes, bad things will make you feel good.

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